The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize