I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
