Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
