I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
