you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
