i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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