I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
