If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Congratulations! We have a period
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
