I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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