pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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