You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
