So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
