If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
