strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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