I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
