I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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