no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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