The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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