yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize