Fine. I'll sleep in my office
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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