the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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