They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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