Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
