Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
