that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize