i would punch a child for taco bell
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
