we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize