so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
