id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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