the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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