I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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