You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
