love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
