I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
