i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
