Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
