Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
