Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
