new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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