oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
