The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
