The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We smell like vodka and hangover
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
