I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize