I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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