I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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