i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
