The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
