the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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