I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
