its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize