I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
