if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
