Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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