I looked at my own cervix.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
