I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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