If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
