Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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