I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Still dying that you shit outside
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
