Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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