No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
