WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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