And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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