she was so not down for the gang bang
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
