You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
