I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
