We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
