Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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