how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
